


The Funeral of Steve Rogers

by midtowndaddario



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky is a mess, Heavy Angst, M/M, Steve is dead, this is just pure angst and I’m sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-04-04 10:46:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14018613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midtowndaddario/pseuds/midtowndaddario
Summary: Bucky Barnes must go through the toughest day of his life, the funeral of his best friend.





	The Funeral of Steve Rogers

**Author's Note:**

> I’m gonna apologise for this now because I made myself cry a lot writing this down. But please enjoy!! (This has been unedited so please excuse any spelling errors or grammatical errors)

Bucky Barnes stood at the mirror in his bedroom. He could hardly recognise himself when he looked at the person staring back. His skin was so pale, purple rings were surrounding his red eyes. He hadn’t slept since the accident and it showed. 

He heard a knock on his bedroom door before his friend Sam Wilson appeared behind him in the mirror. He sniffed slightly. Sam and Bucky had been virtually inseparable since the incident. The incident that had lose both of them their best friend. Steve was the glue that bonded their friendship together and when they lost him, Bucky thought he’d be all alone again. But Sam stood by him and was there for Bucky and Bucky was beyond thankful for that. 

Sam put a comforting hand on Bucky’s shoulder as Bucky fixed his black tie, to match his black suit jacket and black suit pants and black shoes. Everything was black, morbid and Steve would of hated it. Steve was the epitome of everything good and light in the world and yet here they all were, wearing black to his funeral. Bucky and Tony had fought over what color to wear for the funeral in the days leading up to it. Tony had demanded that everyone wear black to show they were mourning the loss of one of America’s finest soldiers but Bucky argued that Steve wouldn’t of wanted everyone to mourn but rather celebrate his long life. 

“The cars are here, man,” Sam said to him. Bucky blinked and turned away from the imposter he saw in the mirror. Sam gave him an encouraging smile, a fake smile but Sam was attempting to stay for the both of them. Bucky inhaled a deep breath, trying to stop himself from crying. He’d already cried enough these past few weeks. Hell, he’d cried so much in the past 5 hours that he thought it would be nearly impossible to produce anymore tears. The two of them left Bucky’s room in Avengers Headquarters. He’d been staying there since Steve died, not being able to bring himself to go back home to the apartment he and Steve had lived in. The rest of the team where stood in the main entrance to the building. All of them dressed in black. They looked calm but there was unnerving air surrounding them. All of their eyes locked to Bucky and Sam when they entered the room and Bucky could feel the wind being knocked out of him. He couldn’t do this. He had prepared himself for this day for weeks now, for the sad looks and the ‘I’m so sorry for you loss’es but now the day was here and Bucky knows he can’t do this. He shouldn’t have to do this. It should of been him in that coffin outside, not Steve. 

Natasha approaches Bucky and holds onto his shoulders. She had taken the death just as bad as Sam had. Yet nowhere near as bad as Bucky had. Nobody had taken it as bad as Bucky. She looked at the taller man in front of her, he towered over her yet looked and felt so small today. Her eyes were red and her face patchy like Bucky’s and they both hugged. Bucky gripping onto Natasha for dear life to prevent himself from bursting into tears again. She rubs his back soothingly and murmured for him to keep calm as she felt his breathing become ragged and his heart become pounding against her chest. Bucky let Nat’s words swirl around in his head, he was forcing himself to keep calm, not just for him but for the sake of everyone around him because he didn’t know what he’d do if he snapped. If he finally let the burden of Steve’s death overcome him. 

“You’re going to be fine дорогой, просто дышать.” Bucky nodded understandingly. He could feel a panic attack rising in his body but he knew he needed to keep calm. Nat put her hands back on his shoulders and breathed slowly, Bucky copying her. She kissed his forehead and rested her hand on his cheek, which was covered in stubble due to his not shaving for the past few weeks. 

“We can do this. For Steve.” Natasha stated. And Bucky had to agree. It’s what Steve would want. He would want his life celebrated and he would want those who loved him most to be there. 

Bucky, Natasha and Sam made their way to the doors. The rest of the Avengers giving them their space. Bucky could make out the small cries and sniffs from some of the other Avengers as they walked towards the door but he knew that seeing them cry would only make him cry as well. 

A black herse was parked in the driveway, followed by four other black funeral cars. Bucky had to draw in a sharp breath when he saw the box in the back of the herse. An American flag draped across the top of the coffin. Bucky couldn’t breathe. Steve was inside that box. His Steve. His best friend since he was a kid. He felt like he could throw up. But with the emptiness of his stomach, all he could feel inside his stomach was acid and bile swirling around, trying to force itself out of his system. Bucky hadn’t eaten in days. Sam and Peter Parker would bring him a piece of toast everyday and much to their dismay, the toast would still be outside Bucky’s door at the end of the day when they’d go to check on him. On a good day however, Bucky would take the toast into his room and nibble on it throughout the day but he could never stomach it. 

Natasha let a sob escape her throat at the sight of the coffin and she grasped ahold of Sam’s arm, Sam who was trying so hard to stay calm and stay strong for them all. The three of them looked at each other, all of them through teary eyes before they made their way over the first black car parked. They slide into the car and Peter, Tony and Bruce slide into the back portion of the car. Peter rested a hand on Bucky’s shoulder as he slid into the seat. It was Peter’s silent way of passing his condolences. Peter had been taking Steve’s death surprisingly badly. Bucky didn’t know Peter very well before his best friends death but the two had bonded after he died. When Bucky would feel up to it, he would sit with Peter and tell him stories about adventures he and Steve had gone on before and during the war and Peter would sit there in admiration. Bucky soon come to realise that Peter Parker looked up to and admired Steve Rogers a lot. 

The team had a long drive to St Patrick’s Cathedral. Tony had decided that Steve’s funeral should take place in New York City as it was, not only his hometown but also the best place for a public funeral. By the time they reached New York City, the island of Manhattan was surprisingly still. It was as if the whole world stood still and everyone was in mourning. The closer they got to 5th Avenue, the more people began showing up on the sidewalks. All of them dressed in black and all of them silently watching the cars as they drove past. 

When they reached the Church, people were out in their masses. All of them were dressed in black clothing and stayed silent as the team got out of the cars and the coffin was pulled from the back of the herse. 

Bucky, Sam, Tony, Bruce, Peter and Clint were the pallbearers. The six men made their way over to the casket. Some of the men were letting their tears flow freely, namely Peter and Clint but the other four men were staying as strong as they could. Tony had been sporting a stone expression on his face the entire day, not wanting to let his expressions get the best of him. Tony knew, as the leader of the team, he had to stay strong. Even if he had lost a friend. Bucky and Sam take their places at the front of the casket, Bucky lets his fingers slide across the silk flag, feeling the ridges of the wood underneath it. 

“I remember when we were younger and I’d have to put you on my shoulders for you to be able to see anything. I never thought I’d have to put on my shoulders again, pal. One last time, I guess.” Bucky murmurs quietly, only himself and possibly Sam being able to hear his story. The six men lifted the coffin up effortlessly. Bucky kept his breathing calm, remembering Natasha’s breathing from earlier and mimicking her. The walked slowly into the Church. Bucky let his eyes drift across the Church, eyeing all of the teary-eyed people who had stood to attention as they brought Steve down the aisle. There were at least a hundred people inside the church. All people Steve had known in his life, all of their lives having been impacted in some way by Steve Rogers. He spotted all of the S.H.I.E.L.D Agents sat together. Daisy and Jemma stood together sobbing, Fitz stood solemnly next to his wife rubbing her back soothingly. Jessica Jones and Luke Cage and Matt Murdock were all there. Then he reached the end of aisle, his friends and fellow Avengers were already in place at the front of the Church, Natasha sat next to Sharon Carter and Maria Hill. 

They set the casket down at the alter and took their places. Bucky was at the end of pew, Sam to his right. The priest come out and began the ceremony. Sniffles could be heard coming from around the room. Occasionally, Bucky would hear someone let out a sob or a hiccup and his eyes would fill up with tears. The ceremony passed in a blur, he refused to let himself listen to the priest talk about Steve. He knew exactly what the priest would say about him. He would talk about brave and selfless Steve had been for their country. How he had essentially saved the world and sacrificed himself in the process, more than once. But nobody knew Steve like Bucky did. Steve was Bucky’s soulmate. Bucky didn’t know if Steve was his soulmate in terms of romance or just as friends, and he never would know now. All Bucky knew was that they belonged in each others lives. And he wished they could of remained in each other’s lives for just a little bit longer. At this moment, Bucky would sacrifice himself for just one more minute with Steve Rogers. 

Before Bucky knew it, Sam was elbowing Bucky and everyone was looking at him expectedly. He took that as his cue to go up to the front and speak and he braced himself. When he got to the alter he got to look at the other faces in the crowd. Of the faces of the people who were all equally as devastated that Steve was gone. Everyone in the room at that moment had been impacted by Steve and it was always in a good way. Steve was the perfect person. He was light and sunshine personified and everyone in that room felt that when they met him. 

Bucky looked down at the words he was meant to say, his vision slightly blurred from the tears. “First of all, thank you all for coming. It means a great deal to us that you could all come out here to celebrate Steve’s life with us. Steve was the greatest man I ever knew. He was my first friend and probably my only friend and he believed in me and defended me when nobody else would.” Bucky could already feel himself getting choked up as he spoke. He looked out into the audience and many of them were crying fresh new loads of tears with Bucky’s words. “Steve still had the longest life to live but he sacrificed that and cut his own life short to protect everyone else. Sounds like a pretty Steve Roger’s thing to do, right?” Bucky lets out a small laugh, he still has tears dripping down his cheeks but everyone else manages to let out small chuckles at his statement. 

“Steve- St-“ Bucky lets out a choked sob, reading the next words of his speech before he finally lets the tears he’s been keeping in all day flow free. Bucky nearly crashes to the floor as the tears keep coming, leaving him weak. Sam races up to the alter to comfort the broken man, Bucky falling into Sam, clinging to him as he sobs. Sam hushes Bucky as he escorts him back to his seat. Bucky cries in his seat, watching as Sam goes up to take his place at the alter. 

“Steve Rogers will surely be missed by everyone.” Sam is reading the speech Bucky had prepared. “He has surely impacted everyone’s lives in the best way possible and has made the world a safer place.” There are a few small sniffs as Sam finishes Bucky’s speech. Surely more tears being shed as Sam looks towards the casket, stands to attention and salutes Steve. Bucky can see from where he’s sitting that Sam has a lot of tears streaming down his face. He makes his way back to Bucky and sits next to him. The priest continues with his sermon before they finish on a prayer. The six pallbearers make their to the coffin when the ceremony is over and take the casket down the aisle, past the sobbing crowds until they’re outside, back in view of thousands of people. 

They put the casket back in the herse and the the team make their way over to the funeral cars, which have all been lined up alongside the empty sidewalk. Bucky stands at the door of the car. Does he really want to go back to Headquarters? Does he really want to spend the rest of the night with people who thought they knew Steve so well while they reminisce on short, unimportant memories they shared with Steve Rogers that they’ll of all forgotten about in a few weeks. 

“I can’t do this.” Bucky announces suddenly. Sam, already inside the car, looks up at him confused. “I need to go back to my apartment. I need to be alone right now.” Bucky rushes out. He wipes stray tears from his face and Sam looks at him understandingly. 

“Alright, man. But please text me and let me know you’re okay.” Bucky nods. And with that he’s off. He runs off, people murmuring in confusion as he walks away from the church. Bucky walks down Fifth Avenue. He carries on walking and walking until normality begins to surround Bucky again. More and more people are begin to fill the streets and there are cars zooming across the city. He hails a cab and lets himself breathe deeply, letting the New York air fill his lungs before he enters the cab. 

The drive from Manhattan to the apartment Steve and Bucky shared in Brooklyn was short. There was minimal traffic on the road, especially for New York City but Bucky supposes that was because it was national day of mourning for Steve’s funeral. When they finally pulled up outside the old stone building, Bucky handed over a $20 and made his way into the apartment. Everything was still the same as when Steve and Bucky left their apartment for the last time. They had been called by Tony saying there was an emergency and the team needed to leave for Wakanda immediately. That was nearly a month ago. 

There was a slight dust covering the apartment because it’d been left untouched for so long. There were a pile of washed dishes left on the side near the sink ready to be put away and Bucky didn’t even want to think about all of the food that had been left in the refrigerator as they dashed out of the door. This apartment would always be home to Bucky but everything about it just screamed Steve. It was like he could feel Steve’s presence wherever he went in the house and it gave him a overwhelming sense of comfort. In the hallway of their apartment, there was a photo frame with four photo booth style pictures inside the frame. They had taken the pictures the first time the two of them had gotten the chance to go to Coney Island when Steve finally got Bucky back. Bucky smiles fondly at the memories. He would always smile at the memories he and Steve got to share together. There were so few memories he could actually recall with his best friend and he wished, now more than ever, Steve was there to comfort him. Steve knew just how to make Bucky feel better. It was one of the reasons the two of them connected to well when they first met way back in the 30’s. Nobody would ever know Bucky like Steve did. Just like nobody would ever know Steve like Bucky did. Nobody would ever find out the little ways to make Steve smile or make him laugh. Nobody would ever get to find out how his forehead used to crease up when he was frowning or when he laughed too hard. Nobody would ever get to see him age like he was supposed to. Get to see him grow old and spend their life trying to figure out the mystery that was Steve Rogers. 

Bucky took the picture frame off the hook in the wall and pressed the picture close against his chest. He sunk down against the wall, sitting cross-legged in the middle of his hallway. He hugged the picture so tightly, hoping and praying this whole thing was a nightmare. Hoping that he’d wake up eventually and Steve would sleeping in the room next door to him. Bucky lets a fresh batch of tears flow down his cheeks and once they started, they didn’t stop. His cries turned into sobs and his sobs turned into agonised screams. Bucky was hysterical, letting his tears fall quickly down his patchy face collecting onto the picture below him.

**Author's Note:**

> There we go!!  
> Please let me know what you guys thought in the comments!


End file.
